Double Knitting, or the Art of Refusing to Learn

There could not be a better time for me to learn how to double knit. As of yesterday, when my first attempt at double knitting occurred, I started my New Job search. 
Anyone who knows me can tell you that I am somewhat terrified of new experiences. This is not unique to me, I know, but I remain astounded at my own ability to forget the process of learning and doing something new. By all accounts, I should know by now that however much I fear something at the outset, the end result is never nearly as terrifying as presupposed. And, more often than not, I derive great pleasure and joy from whatever thing it is that previously petrified me into immobility. 
Case in point: Double Knitting. 

←This is Double Knitting


It's a process in which you knit with two different colors of yarn at the same time on the same needles but with opposing directions. 
That's probably a really, really bad explanation, but it's the best I can do. If this sweater were just all white on the outside and all black on the inside, the instructions would be to knit the black yarn and purl the white yarn all the way across, first one then the other, then do the exact opposite for the other side, and on and on ad infinitum. The fact that this lovely sweater actually has characters and designs and tiny little reindeer is making me sweat just thinking about it. I find the idea of two-sided photo negative style knitting to be frightening enough without the added task of creating a scene with it. If you would like to knit this sweater, or something like it, you can find it here. Just please refrain from talking to me about it, as it gives me the vapors.
So of course, when I gave myself the task of creating a cape for Count Dracula-bowl, I just had to make it double knit. I had to. The inside must be red, the outside, black. It will give him depth, character and an impenetrable sense of style. But how to double knit?? I looked at some double knitting not unlike the horror show pictured above, then quietly pushed that question to the back of my mind. I had still the question of But how to knit a bowl?? and that seemed less intense. Also, But how to knit in the round?? Both these tasks seemed easier.
So I put it off. I knit Frankenbowl, then Count Dracula-bowl, then sat and stared at my red and black yarn.

The thing is, I do this to myself all the time. It's mortifying. I give myself something to do that I don't know how to do, then convince myself that I will never understand how to do it. It's a way to feel inferior and stupid while also avoiding the appearance of being inferior and stupid - I am a master acrobat at this. Like getting a New Job. I desperately want to get a New Job, but by not doing it, I cannot fail. But oh no! you say; if you do not try to do these things, you have already failed! Yes, I understand that, but you see sometimes, I already feel like a failure, so these actions justify that feeling. And at least with that brand of failure, it's entirely privatized. 
The flip side of this is when I actually do one of these things and succeed at it. I cannot adequately describe to you the sheer joy, the utter contentment I have at figuring something out or doing something I thought I could never do.
So you can understand how, when faced with hating my job and desperately wanting to leave it, I finally, finally  started sending out my resume. And, because there's no such thing as one snowflake falling, I also decided to tackle double knitting. And maybe I'll get around to cleaning my office. And re-doing the bathroom. And learning how to bake bread. You see where I'm going? It's a manic mess, and unless you enjoy that ride, it's really not worth the ticket. I don't just enjoy the ride, I reinvented it for the 21st century. 
But back to knitting, and more importantly, Double Knitting. This did not look like Double Knitting to me:

That just looks like a hot gothic mess. Mind you, I had only just cast on the stitches. I hadn't even finished a row. And I almost gave up. I told myself, Everything you think about yourself is correct. You cannot do this. Why did you even mention the cape? If you hadn't, you wouldn't have to do this right now. But you just had to go and mention a double-sided cape, without knowing whether or not you could do it. Now you're a failure, and when it comes time to submit Count Dracula-bowl, everyone will know it. 

And then, this happened. 

Red on one side. Black on one side. Wow. That was laughably easy. That was so incredibly easy. I could probably do this with my eyes closed. 
Wasn't that a fun ride? Who wants to go again???